My Thoughts
On the matter of in-laws and family. When it’s your own family, you can get mad at them, have a little spat with your parents or siblings like you’re a teenager again, and then all move on from it.
With your in-laws, it’s a little different. You can’t exactly be direct with them the same way you can with your own parents, and you just have this way of feeling like you’re being judged and your life is on display when they’re in your home, regardless of how kind they are and how close your relationship is.
So, when your in-laws live with you long term, it can feel a bit like you’re living in a glass house. Your life and your personality are on permanent display to them, with no healthy separation.
I think the problem specifically with in-laws is this: Your relationship with your partner is built on the similarities and shared interests of your lives. It’s built on who you and your partner have become together.
But your in-laws still see your partner as that child they use to live with. And we all have a bit of a habit of becoming that child again when we’re around our own families. So it starts to build this dynamic where your in-laws start to represent all the differences you have with your partner. And when they’re around, it tends to highlight those differences and the flaws in your own relationship.
It’s only when you get away from family again that you start remembering who you are now, and the fact that you’re not that teenager anymore. And you can start to rebuild your identity and sense of self over the days of being back in your own home.
But when someone lives in your home, there’s no getting away from them. And when that’s the in-laws, it becomes a test of your own mental endurance and personal boundaries.
Dealing with family is never easy, and when a favor becomes an expectation, setting personal boundaries becomes a necessity.
