So if you are a very close follower of mine you probably noticed that I disappeared here for over a week, which I don’t think I’ve ever done before. I’d like to say it’s because I was off on an exciting vacation but truthfully I’ve just been dealing with a depression that has been a lot harder to shake than my normal ones. It happens. Usually only once every year or two. But every time it feels like I’ve been in this fog forever. It feels very lonely even though I know how unalone I am in this struggle.
I’m doing all of the things I’m supposed to do and I will be fine but still, it’s hard…this terrible brain fog that makes me think I’ve lost my mind and the exhaustion that keeps me from being me.
I recently had some bloodwork that showed that I had almost no serotonin, which was not much of a surprise to me. My intestinal metaplasia makes absorbing things hard and it can affect serotonin, but my doctors thought this was extreme so they did a genetic test on me and found that I have the MTHFR gene variation (which I have nicknamed “THE MOTHERFUCKER MUTATION” because it sounds badass). Turns out, that genetic problem makes a lot of medications not work properly on you and the list of those meds include all of my antidepressants. It’s not an entirely uncommon mutation so if you also have treatment resistant depression you want to get checked. Is there a cure? OF COURSE NOT. DON’T BE RIDICULOUS. But there are studies that show some certain supplements can help so I’m trying those now.
And perhaps it’s just a coincidence, but today I have more energy. My brain fog is still so bad I had to stop 5 times to look up words I already know here, but I cleaned my room and took Purrsy to the vet and took a shower and updated my weekly substack and answered some emails and now I’m writing here. And that sounds like such a small thing, but it’s really not. It’s so big.
And speaking of Purrsy, he is breathing life into me with his ridiculousness. This morning he got fixed and now he is back home recuperating. The vet texted me this picture and they were like, “Your cat is drunk. Come get him. Don’t let him drive.”
And the picture they sent cracked me up so much I thought that I should share it here but then I thought that I should share several and let you guess which one is totally-high Purrsy because this dude is insane all the time:
Tag yourself. I’m currently middle-right side-eye Purrsy as I watch this cat (that I was told would probably sleep all day) go absolutely nuts romping around my room, knocking over bowls and falling over like the tiny drunk that he is.
I so love him.
